Dear Andrea

Dear Young 21 Year Old Andrea:

Guess what, your life is not over.  Currently in life you are struggling with who you are as a person, being tortured from living a double life and deciding what you really want out of life.  You will be okay.  You will also be a completely different person in a matter of years.  Embrace the life changing experiences that are about to come your direction.

Right now you are in your “recovering home-schooler” years and ultimately you will realize how much the home-school years actually provided a foundation for life going forward.  Yes, you should move with a band to NY when you are 23.  In this move you will discover that there is more to life than you.  You will also discover that there are different types of love.  You will develop unbreakable bonds with the friends you move with and spend the next few years with.  Cherish the friend Thanksgivings, the Laundry Mat nights, the Erie Canal walks, the band nights, sitting on the porch during warm thunderstorms, and getting stuck in the snow in your Honda (repeatedly).  Wherever life takes you, you will always have the time in NY and the sense of joy / friendship / community and pure love that was experienced even though times were hard.  Also, when you are stuck in a Walmart parking lot/camping in South Dakota for a week……buy the red camping chair as soon as the van breaks down.  Trust me on this one.

By the way, you will break your heart repeatedly.  By breaking your own heart, I mean that you will like guy after guy…..really like them, and think they are the one…..never date them……they will be oblivious to you or lead you on…..and then they will meet someone else and fall in love.  So they won’t break your heart, but you will break your own by placing so much of your identity and future dreams on the person you currently like.   I’d tell you not to do this, and your friends will tell you not to do this, but the reality is that you have to do this in order to move forward in the future. You will learn from emotional pain and it will be hard.  You will also learn your real identity and Who it is based in.  Some tips for recovery are bubble baths, baking/cooking new foods, girl nights, coffee with your good friend and also connecting/arguing with God. 

I know you always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom to a bunch of kids, have a country house in a small town with gardens and pets, and be really involved in ministry.  While this is a noble ambition, it won’t occur in the next ten years.  You will actually have a pretty intense career and be involved in many leadership roles (who would’ve thought?) that will stretch and grow you.  You will begin to realize that God has other plans for the next ten years, and possibly longer.  You will however have lots of young people in your life to cherish and love (12 nieces/nephews and godsons on top of that!).  You will also be more involved with ministry than you ever thought and connecting with others in your mutual pain, joys and life moments.  Even though it will sometimes not seem like it, God knows what He is teaching you.

I don’t have much that I want to tell you, because I don’t want to ruin it.  I want you to always have hope for what could be and always stay positive, even in the devastating times.  There will be devastating times.  You will become a beautiful woman, no, I don’t mean that you will be a hot model (but you’ll be decently cute, at least a little).  I mean that the different types of pain you will go through will lead to a woman with endurance, encouragement, love of others, confidence sprinkled with shyness, generosity, driven/hard-working, with hopefully some wisdom and a reliance on God.  Honestly, you will have many faults and failures too, but I’ll let you figure out what those are and continue to bring them to God.  You won’t be perfect.

I know you will constantly battle with thoughts of why you remain single.  I’m going to let you in on a secret.  There will be times that you think it is because of your weirdo personality.  It’s not.  That personality will be cherished by many.  There will be times you will think it is because you are ugly and some guy just hasn’t seen past your ugliness to see your personality.  It’s not.  Just stop.   There will be times you will blame God.  There will be times you will blame yourself.  

Here is the secret.  You are single because the timing is not right for you.  You may feel like you are waiting, and waiting, and waiting for life to start.  You’ll continue this thought process until you are about 30 and then snap out of it.  There is and never will be anything “wrong” with you and it is not because you are not good enough for a man or relationship.  You are human with flaws, and so is whoever you will end up with.  God only knows the right timing.  Think of everything you will learn over the next ten years and things that you wouldn’t learn if things were different.  Who knows, maybe you are single because your future husband is still learning things that he needs to learn before meeting you.  You’d rather he learn them now since you’re stuck once you’re committed!  Maybe, someday you’ll meet a guy that you can be yourself around and instantly connect with rather than shutting down and not talking to.  My advice:  Don’t wait.  Live life instead and love and enjoy those around you.  Live life with others and constantly seek God.  But don’t painfully wait.

Lovingly,

Andrea (ten years from the future)

PS, I’ll write to you again when I am 41 to see how those ten years went!

Sit, Walk, Stand (Ephesians)

Those who know me, know that I enjoy journaling my thoughts.  This probably scares them.  Perhaps journaling is the wrong term.  I enjoy taking notes when listening to sermons/speakers and then using my journal as a prayer journal.  Whenever I finish a journal I look forward to getting a new one, and I also go back and read through what I’ve written in my completed journal.  It’s one of my favorite “Andrea traditions.”

It has always been encouraging to see how God has answered prayers in ways that I never imagined, or how God didn’t answer prayers and how thankful I am that He knew better.  It’s also encouraging to read through some notes I have taken during sermons and how they line up with what I needed to hear in my journey and relationship with God.  In my most recent journal I was encouraged by a sermon in Ephesians at a church I visited  The pastor referenced a book by Watchman Nee called “Sit Walk Stand.”  I just ordered the book and haven’t read it, but my understanding is that it walks through Ephesians in the context of our walk with God in the sense of “Sit, Walk, Stand.”  While I haven’t read the book yet, I really like the concept of reading Ephesians through this outline.  It was encouraging, and I’d encourage you to read through it with this mindset as well.

These are some of my thoughts on reading Ephesians through this outline.  First, for some background:

Ephesus

There is a lot of cultural background in Ephesians that quite frankly, I am not an expert on, but enjoy.  I like going back to Acts in order to understand Ephesians.  Acts 19:1-10 gives a small overview of Paul’s ministry in Ephesus. 

Ephesus was a trade route and port city.  Paul remained in Ephesus for a few years reasoning with people. Acts talks about how this continued for two years so that all the residents of Asia heard the word of the Lord.

The gospel spread to the point that it impacted local businesses of silversmiths who made shrines and a riot started in Acts 19:21-40. I like to think of how our society would change if people’s hearts changed to the point where it impacted local businesses, like adult stores closing down or bars losing business because customers only have one or two drinks rather than getting drunk.  This is what occurred in Ephesus, the silversmiths were actually losing business because people were responding to the gospel and no longer buying shrines.   

After a few years in Ephesus, Paul left.  In Acts 20:17-38 he told them that he would not see them again and that the Holy Spirit revealed to him that imprisonment and affliction waited for him.  He also warned them about keeping wolves and false doctrines away.  Paul did end up in prison and under house arrest, where he ended up writing Ephesians, among other books.

Paul had a history with the people and church in Ephesus.  It was not just a random letter.

Sit

Ephesians 1-3

I enjoyed reading Ephesians 1-3 through the view of sitting in the knowledge of who we are, as Christians, in Christ.

Stop right now and read Ephesians 1:1-14 if you have not.  No seriously, grab a Bible or google it on your app and read it.  I’m told that in the Greek this is one big long sentence and I imagine Paul just excitedly writing about blessings in Christ.  I like that Paul goes on and on about what Christ has done and who we are in Him.  Some things that stood out to me were that we are Saints (set apart) who are blessed by God in Christ.  Blessings in the Jewish culture were a big deal; it was not just a response to sneezes.    It talks about our inheritance, being redeemed and sealed. 

Even as Christians we can be swept up and forget who we are in Christ.  I come back to this book as a constant reminder of who I am when I have low moments or self-esteem issues.

Chapter 2 goes into who we were, grace, the gospel, and who we now are. 

Chapter 2:1-5 “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—  among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.  But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved---and raised with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.”

“But God” is my favorite two word combination.  We can forget who we are, even as Christians.  We can get trapped and wrapped up in trying to figure out who we are, where we are going, or even focus on the past and baggage we may have with previous sins and failures…..but that is not how God sees us.  He sees us through Christ, seated with him, because God has already done the work that we could not.  We are seated with him and remember what God had done for us and who we are.  If we focus on who we were before, then we remain in a trapped or slave mindset when we are really sons and daughters of God with an inheritance.

There is a peace in knowing this.

Walk

Ephesians 4-5

This section of Ephesians talks about walking worthy of the calling.  Ephesians 4:1-3 states to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

This isn’t a “you must do this” in order to be saved, but rather, a response to having a relationship with God.  Could you imagine if everyone behaved as Ephesians 4:1-3 says in response to who they are in Christ?  What a loving, encouraging and united community this would be.

Stand

Ephesians 6

This section is pretty well known for the armor of God.

If you were raised in the church then at some point you probably heard about the Armor of God, saw a flannel graph depiction of it, or had someone come in dressed up as a Roman soldier as an example of the Armor of God.

Ephesians 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,  praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 

I like how this section starts out as “Finally.”  To wrap up his letter to Ephesus, Paul tells them to be strong in the Lord and join the battle.  While we sit in what Christ has already done for us, leaving behind our baggage, we respond by walking worthy of the calling in response to Him and finally we join the battle.  We don’t just sit, and sit, and sit.  We are called to action using God’s strength.  Not our own.

That has been encouraging to me.   There is a lot of context in Ephesians and I know I’ve only really looked at some of what I have been encouraged in, but it is worth looking into on your own and reading.