This Time I Will Praise the Lord

There are a few things, or relationships, in life that I have continually wanted or asked God for.  I am fine without them but they are not far from my prayers, and generally end up being the center of them, more than they should be if I am honest.

I’ve been thinking about prayer a lot lately and my relationship with God.  Prayer is an important piece of communication with God, and I’m recognizing that my prayers can be more “me” centered than God centered.  While I think it is important to bring desires and petitions to God, I’ve lately felt the need to bring more to God than that.  Specifically being thankful and bringing praise for what has been going on in my life, or what He may be doing in it without my knowledge, no matter the circumstances. 

Every now and then I read a passage in the Bible that I am familiar with, but it speaks to me in a new way.  Recently, I have been thinking about women in the Bible, and specifically the story of Leah and Rachel in Genesis 29.

For light context purposes, Leah and Rachel were sisters. Leah was the older sister and we know that she “had weak eyes” and Rachel was the younger sister and beautiful.  Through a series of prior events, they end up married to the same man, Jacob.  Jacob loved Rachel more and was ultimately tricked into marrying Leah first and then married Rachel as well.  This scenario is a reality TV show just waiting to happen (Sister Wives, literally).    

I’ve related a lot to Leah in this story recently.  No, not because I’m married to a man who has an additional wife.  Women during this time period found their purpose in child bearing.  Having children meant they were building their estate and ensuring a future (especially if the children were male).  While these two women were very different from each other, they both wanted God to change their circumstances.  Leah desired the love of her husband (which Rachel had) and Rachel desired to have children (which Leah had). 

Leah’s responses to God in her circumstances have been resonating with me lately.

Genesis 29

31 When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. 32 Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”

33 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.

34 Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.

35 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.

I specifically have been focusing on Leah’s responses to having children.  She names her children in response to her circumstances and God.  

•  With Reuben she recognizes that God saw her.  She also says that surely her husband will love her.  She still desires the love of her husband which she does not have. God doesn’t change her circumstances and Jacob doesn’t love her as a result of her having Reuben.         
• With Simeon she recognizes that God heard her.  She again recognizes that she is not loved and still desires the love of her husband.  God still doesn’t change her circumstances and Jacob doesn’t love her as a result of having Simeon.
• With Levi she hopes that her husband will become attached to her, since she has now born him his first three children, all male.  Still, God doesn’t change her circumstances and Jacob doesn’t love her.
• With Judah, she simply responds, “This time I will praise the Lord.”

God didn’t change Leah’s circumstances and we know from the passages that follow that Jacob continues to love Rachel instead of Leah.  Yet Leah’s response of “This time I will praise the Lord” shows a heart shift within Leah.  She will go on to struggle with her lack of love from her husband and strife with her sister, yet she turns towards God in it.

Ironically in this story, Rachel has the love that Leah desires, yet does not have the children.  Later on we see her taking matters into her own hands and giving her servant to Jacob as a third wife in order to have children on Rachel’s behalf.  Leah ultimately follows suit and also give Jacob her servant as a fourth wife. 

The struggle between the women continue as both women desires what the other has (love or children).  Their struggles and circumstances ultimately impact their entire family.  We will never know the entirety of what God was doing in this situation and in their pain, but we can see some things that came from it.

In the end Jacob had 12 sons.  Rachel, the wife he loved, did not have a son until son number 11.  This son was Joseph.  Joseph was favored by his father as he was the son of the wife he loved, but perhaps also because of the time it took to even have a child with his favorite wife.  I think it would be a safe assumption that the strife between the wives would have impacted the family dynamic and influenced the first 10 sons.  They knew that Joseph was favored, and that Joseph’s mother was favored, and ultimately their jealousy of their brother led them to sell him as a slave.  This is a messed up family dynamic, but God ended up using it to put Joseph in a place to save Egypt during famine later in the story.  Rachel had to watch her husband have 10 other children before she had Joseph.  This would be painful but ultimately it was what saved Egypt and their family in the long run.

We sometimes will never know what God is doing behind the scenes.  It doesn’t ever say that Leah was loved by her husband, but she was the mother of six of his children (half of the tribes of Israel) and Judah, the son where she responds with “This time I will praise the Lord,” ends up having Jesus in his lineage. 

I have definitely had my Rachel and Leah moments in life situations.  I’ve tried to take matters into my own hands like Rachel and fix my circumstances, when maybe they were exactly what they needed to be.  I have also cried out to God like Leah and asked him to change my circumstances, over and over again.  Recently I’ve been thinking “This time I will praise God” in the circumstances or desires that go unchanged or unfilled.

I’ve been recognizing that my responses, or my conversation with God, should really be an attitude of praise rather than discontentment.  There are so many other things to be thankful for, and perhaps something bigger that He is doing that I cannot see, and will never see.