Why eHarmony did not work for me!

It is a rough and scary world out there for dating.  This became extremely apparent to me recently as six of my friends created an eHarmony profile for me one evening.  I have always been a little weary of online dating and have never tried it.  I know it will take a special guy to enjoy my unique personality and views on life, and a date in and of itself terrifies me, let alone going on a date with someone I haven't met.  (One of my friends just wanted me to join so he could hear entertaining stories of me being klutzy on dates!) 

I gave in to my friends and allowed them to make me an eHarmony profile and wow do their opinions of me make me look great online!  I'd date me based on what they wrote! I've been telling myself that I am quite the catch but to have them think so too was very encouraging.

I should preface this with that I have amazing friends and I do think online dating works.  Three couples' weddings I am attending this Fall met online and I believe they are all very much in love.  After telling myself that online could work, I finally gained enough courage to browse the eHarmony account my friends created.  This is what I discovered:

1. There are a lot of people out there looking for love.
2. In the world of eHarmony......everyone looks like a good catch.  Either everyone is lying, or there tons of amazing people looking for love too! Hooray!
3. I seem to be the perfect age for most men in their early thirties (good to know)
4. EHarmony believes I would be a good match for any male out there that lists "Christian" on their preferences.
5. There are stalkers on eHarmony.  Or people desperate for love that come across as stalkers; and
6.  I AM WAY TOO SENSITIVE FOR EHARMONY!!

The first three lessons I learned by browsing profiles of people also searching for love.  Every profile states what they believe their potential "matches" should know about them, and what they are looking for in the other individual.  My favorite may have been a guy who stated:

•  "Who am I looking for? Well, I don't know her name, what she looks like, what her favorite food is, whether or not she can sing, dance, or simultaneously chew bubble gum and walk. But I do know she is kind, gracious, and faithful. And simply looking at her makes me smile."

I'm pretty sure he meant me.   Or possibly the school teacher who stated that the thing he was most passionate about was:

• "Caring for the poor and overlooked, 'the least among us.' God has given me compassion for people that fit in this category. One expression of this is for students in my classroom who have rough home lives and/or have been or are homeless. My heart breaks for these kids and I seek to love especially them with the love of God."   It also didn't hurt that C.S. Lewis was on his favorite authors list.

I'm pretty sure he was also looking for me. 

 

From cheesy profiles showcasing humor to serious profiles; everyone was trying to capture the attention of the individual that they are looking to love.  And according to eHarmony I was a match with 176 of them, with 6 more added each day.  Dear Lord help us all!

 

I engaged in conversations with 3 of them.  Of the three I started talking to, two of them blocked me (shortly after I uploaded a picture but I'm sure that wasn't the reason!) and the other one began asking why I hadn't been responding to his messages within three hours of receipt and what I was doing between 8:00 and 11:00 when I didn't respond.  He then questioned my honesty on if I really was driving back and forth between Washington and Oregon between that time. I blocked him.

 

Out of 176 "matches", I blocked 160 after a few weeks of not communicating with any of them. I left 16 of them unblocked just in case they started a conversation. 

 

I am too sensitive for eHarmony. Or probably any dating site for that matter.  I didn't like being blocked by other people, it hurt my feelings and I didn't even know them! I also didn't like blocking others!!  I felt like a bad person for blocking the one individual who was becoming stalkerish, and he was the one I should have easily blocked!  Ultimately, he was just looking for someone too.  I also didn't like reading the expectations that everyone had listed for what they were looking for, give us a break guys!  I'm sure the girls on eHarmony had just as many qualifications.  I think it is good and really valuable to know what characteristics you want in a life partner, but some of those traits develop over time and in a relationship as well.

 

Perhaps men were intimidated with my ideal man when they read: "I am looking for a man who is a strong Christian and able to lead in the same manner. Someone who enjoys theological conversations, having fun, and has a great sense of humor. Someone who is social and loves trying new things would be a plus. I am not looking for the "perfect" man, but rather someone who is willing to take on life as it is while keeping God at the center of it."......I admit, possible high expectations, but eHarmony asked for them!

 

I guess I will have to stick to the old fashion way of dating by meeting someone in person.  I am really much more charming being my klutzy, in-person self anyways. And they can't block me with a click of a button!

 

So, goodbye eHarmony.  I am glad you think that there are 176 men out there for me to meet with an additional 6 added each day.  I unfortunately cannot handle the endless ideals and lists of perfect women and men listed and I pray that if God ever decides its time for me to be married it's much clearer than having to weed through 176 lists of what men want. 

 

I went to a women's retreat this weekend that had an amazing speaker.  She had been through what most people would define as a difficult marriage, but ultimately, a godly one where they worked, and worked, and worked at their relationship.  As hard as it may be, that is the kind of relationship I would want, not her circumstances, but someone willing to work on a marriage no matter what comes. If I were to have planned my life, I would be married and not single; but I do not know anyone whose life turned out how they planned it.  Married or unmarried I want to enjoy the life that God has given me. 

If I ever get married, I will be giving my heart to someone who wants to love it, cherish it, appreciate how unique it is, and who plans to give it back to God whole. I would strive to do the same for him.  But I am content to live life as single until then.

I may be too much of a romantic to enter the dark world of dating.