Ten years and Counting--- Surviving being a Single Woman

With coming up on almost 10 years of being single, and in honor of Valentines Day, I have drafted a quick list (and by quick I mean 52 things) of what I have learned, or wish I had learned earlier in order to survive being single.  I was going to make a short list but apparently I have learned more than 10 things in the past 10 years. 

Embrace Independence

1.      Be young and free while you can.  Move across the country with a band.  Sleep in a Walmart parking lot on a road trip, preferably under the stars and not in a car.  After surviving this, you will be able to do anything.

2.      Use every car ride when you are alone as an opportunity to brush up on karaoke.  Travel often in order to just sing along with your playlist.  Don’t worry; the other drivers aren’t looking at you, they are just jealous of your mad singing skills. 

3.       Use hip phrases all the time, like “mad singing skills.”

4.       Learn to cook and cook well! Take the time to cook dinner and treat yourself to nice food. Either it A) Won’t hurt your chances in finding a significant other, or B) You’ll at least be eating good food while alone! Or invite friends to share.

6.       Go organic.  Planning meals is hard, going organic is harder, but it is worth it in the long run and very satisfying in the grocery store line.

7.       When sick……forget cooking organically and eat Scooby Doo macaroni.  It’s okay.

8.      Work hard at work.  When you are there, try hard, develop skills you will use the rest of your life and in other areas of life.

9.      Play hard.  Forget everything at work and relax.  Separate your career and down time.  Don’t let either one fully dictate your life.  A job is just a job, and a hobby is just a hobby.

10.   Know your passions and follow them.

11.   Be independent.  You must be in order to survive as a single female so embrace it.

12.   Don’t be too independent, guys are intimidated by this.  Go for the guy who this does not intimidate and values this in you.  Respect him in return.

Friends

13.   Have friends who have long beards.  This will help bring a sense of security to the long road trips where you end up stuck in Walmart parking lots overnight.  Others will be scared of you rather than you of them.

14.   Take time to develop friendships.  Deepen relationships with your girlfriends and make sure to have girl nights.  Go out on the town with the girls or stay in and watch movies. PS I Love you and a box of tissues is a great option. 

15.   Hang out with married friends.  See what a relationship is REALLY like.  Each relationship will show you how different every one is and how hard a relationship must be worked on.

16.   Family is important.  Cherish relationships with parents and siblings.

17.   Kids. Play with nieces, nephews and godsons when they are around.  They are only young for so long and unless you plan on being married, they may be the only ones around for quite some time.  Give hugs, teach them how to blow kisses, and make farting noises on their belly buttons.  It never gets old.

18.   Start dance parties with toddlers.  They are the BEST dancers.  Make sure you tell them they are the best as often as possible! 

Feelings

19.   Feel emotions and feel them deeply.  Have your heart broken, but love anyways, even if he doesn’t know you exist. Know that no matter what, it will all be okay.

20.   Love is awful!  Make “F” you Fudge when he decides not to love you.  Do so while baking Christmas cookies with the girls and make sure to cry hysterically and try to cover it.  Salty tears make the best cookies.

21.   Love is great!  Always hope for love and never give up, even if you don't find someone. Get over the men who didn’t work out.  It wasn’t meant to be.  Suppress any emotions when liking a guy who does not like you in return.  It’s not worth it.  Don’t change to be something you think they want rather than who you are.

22.   Get very angry at God for not knowing best who you should be with, even though you have told Him repeatedly.  This goes over really well…..or not.  Realize after arguing with God, that He really does know best.  After this argument you will be able to move forward in life confidently. Be continually thankful that these relationships did NOT work out.  Thank God He knows best!

23.   Being single is awful when you think you know who you should be with.  Especially if it happens a couple different times.  Trust that God knows better than you.  It develops a strength that is incomparable to anything else.

24.   Be thankful you are single.  Mourn that you are single.  Know that when you are married you will probably do the same about being married!

25.   Kiss men only worth kissing.  Toads don’t REALLY make princes. 

26.   Respect men.  Being an independent woman does not mean you “Do what you want”.  Give men the respect they deserve, just as much as you desire to be treated like a lady.

27.   Appreciate being treated like a lady.  It’s rare and if it is not encouraged then men will forget how to do it.  Stop dreaming of Disney princesses while proclaiming feminism.  It sends mixed signals.

28.   Say yes to dates when asked.  Give men chances to woo you.  If you overanalyze how the relationship would go you may miss out on a really good thing.

29.   Don’t say yes to dates if you know that it will never ever go anywhere.  Save yourself the heartaches.

30.   Sometimes, single is better than being in the wrong relationship.

31.   Love when you’re ready not when you’re lonely.  Knowing how to be alone is a key part of knowing how to love.  Not everyone who is single is lonely, and not everyone in a relationship is happy. Fill loneliness with friends and getting to know other people.  Develop social skills. 

32.   Maybe happy endings don’t end with a guy.  And that is okay.  Life is a continual journey, never get to the point where you think you are at your happy ending, or you’ll become stagnant.  A happy ending will involve dying, and meeting God face to face.

33.   Don’t become a jaded female against men. Earn a man’s respect; they deserve it most of the time and it is much more attractive then placing other men’s faults on them.

34.   God doesn’t guarantee a husband and family, in fact, sometimes, it is just the opposite and He will use you in your singleness.  Do not waste the single years longing for something and waiting for life to start.  Start your life long before a relationship starts and know who you are.

Beauty

35.   Know what real beauty is.  Be intelligent, be yourself, and be real. 

36.   Come to terms with the fact that you will always see airbrushed magazines of skinny models that don’t really look like that in real life.  Real, breathing, confident women, will always be more attractive.

Life

37.   Give back to others.  Financially, volunteering, and in any way you can.  Don’t take anything for granted. Enjoy life and giving to others when able.

38.   Read.  Read books on spirituality, being single, being married, inspirational books, depressing books, mysteries, biographies.  Read a lot, and learn to form your own opinion rather than relying on others or authors.  Develop critical thinking.  Know your core beliefs in order to build on them.

39.   Read inspirational quotes.  They’re inspirational.

40.   Don’t read inspirational quotes that may be false, such as popular ones like: “I’m Single: Because God is writing the best love story for me.” Sometimes, God is doing much more than that.

41.   Say what you mean to say.  Give good advice when people ask for it and be known for giving sound advice.

42.   Don’t give advice!  Sometimes, you are wrong.  Sometimes, others are not ready to hear advice when they ask and it is better for them to discover it for themselves.  Ask leading questions so that they figure it out on their own. Decipher if they really want advice, or just a listening ear.  There is a difference.

43.   Overanalyze and always improve.

44.   Don’t overanalyze.  Just do Something!  If you overanalyze too much you will never do anything.

45.   Never leave the house in sweats.  You never know when you will meet an amazing man or a nemesis. 

46.   Don’t have a nemesis.

47.   If you’re lucky enough to be different, don’t ever change.

48.   Try new things.  Learn things from YouTube! Sew an apron, learn how to use nunchucks, learn how to decorate cakes, learn how to do the weird things in life that everyone secretly wishes they knew how to do.  Don’t tell people you know how to do them and then bust out the talents when least expected.

49.   Go new places and travel.  Go hiking through caves, boating, camping, try new restaurants and order something you wouldn’t make yourself. 

50.   You will never know what life has in store, and cannot make a list of dos and don’ts.  Every day is different.  Some things that are dos at one time in life, are don’ts at other times.  Never make a list of things you have learned for others and then blog about it.  You may not be right on everything, or they could be misinterpreted.

51. Being single isn't something to just "survive", just as much as being married isn't something to just "survive".  Embrace life, work on it, and make the best out of whatever relationship status you are in.

52.   Love God as much as possible.  Don't worry about the "Date God" or "Married to God" spiritual fads that go around. Learn about Him and who He really is.  Realize that nothing else in life is important other than knowing Him.  Develop a strong relationship with Him and come what may, married or unmarried, life will go on and will be better either way.  Ignore the rest of the above list.