Forever Like That

I have been loving “love” lately.  Not me being in love or longing for it but just the whole idea of love: the good, the bad, the commitment, and the securities and insecurities of being with another person.  Ultimately the whole idea of love and being human and able to build a relationship is beautiful.

I had a fun girls’ weekend over the past few days.  It was a blast.  We had a great time involved eating, shopping, eating, a concert, eating, and movies.  I love girl weekends….because I love laughing and eating…a lot.

At the concert we went to the opening act blew me away and I overwhelmingly felt a sense of how amazing it is that we have the ability to build relationships.  I do mean romantic relationships when I refer to building relationships however I have been building friendships lately, and even those amaze me sometimes with how we are able to connect with certain people.  

I was inspired at the concert I went to with the girls to really just appreciate all that is “love” even while not being in a romantic relationship.  Couples make me smile nowadays and not out of jealousy and want for my own love story to be written but out of joy that they have found something worth working for.  I think that is what it ultimately comes down to, finding someone that makes you want to work on a relationship even when you can drive each other crazy and still love and stick with through the crazy times of life.

All that to say, here is a beautiful song called Forever Like That by Ben Rector that was played at the concert this weekend.  It is currently unreleased and unrecorded but I hope it is soon.

Embracing Awkwardness

I always have random adventures with my friends.  I love being part of multiple unique groups of people and have enjoyed how my groups of friends have morphed over the years. 

I seem to have had many awkward experiences with my friends.  I’m beginning to wonder if things just happen to me in general or if these different groups of people tend allow awkwardness to occur more freely.  I have to admit that I kind of like awkwardness.  It makes life feel more real rather than pretending that we all have perfect lives.

Many of these awkward experiences stories I have had with my friends would cause me to die laughing while trying to reminisce about them. If people heard them we would probably have to attribute them to a “you had to be there” moment.  My friends do on occasion swap “Awkward Moments with Andrea” stories and I am still unsure how I feel about that.

I have come to the conclusion that awkward moments are good for you.  I’ve been trying to figure out if I am awkward lately, and maybe the answer is yes.  But then, who isn’t?  Who doesn’t have stories about tugging on mouse tales while thinking it was a piece of tire, accidentally strattling a guy while trying to climb on bleachers (while having string cheese breathe of course), getting lost repeatedly with directions and ending up who knows where, and embarrassing Dance Dance Revolution finales.

Sometimes embracing awkward moments rather than sulking away in embarrassment may be the better option.  It creates more friendships….or at least creates more stories for your friends to compare and have a common ground to talk about when meeting each other…

Mourning and Rejoicing

The Bible talks about mourning with those who mourn and rejoicing with those who rejoice.  Even though it is from the Bible this is an interesting concept for both Christians and non-Christians.

This came up recently for me when a friend asked if it hurt me that she was getting married.  I was taken aback a little because I didn’t realize what she was asking and at first thought she was insulting me.  I eventually put together that she was asking me if I was hurt because she was getting married and I am not married.  She was trying to be thoughtful but didn’t quite know how to approach the subject.

She felt bad sharing her wedding plans and excitement with me and worried that I in turn would be sad that I was not getting married.  I am actually thrilled when people get married (unless I feel I was supposed to be the one to marry that person and that God didn’t answer my prayers and that my life is ruined and….oh wait….different topic).

I may on occasion mourn being single.  If I marry someday I will probably on occasion mourn NOT being single.

I gladly get excited with my friends when they begin exciting new phases of their lives.  This does not just include marriage but other life changing journeys as well.

A big part of life is not only mourning with each other but also rejoicing with each other.  I would say that anyone close to me in my life has experienced not only mourning with me but also some amazing excitement.

Ironically we can mourn and rejoice in the same experiences and situations.  Sometimes we don’t know how to mourn with others so we avoid the situation entirely, or we don’t know how to rejoice with others for their excitement when our own pain can be so strong.

The greatest thing I admire in other people is open genuine honesty.  It shows strength to be vulnerable. I continually question when I am being open with someone with my struggles if they are the type of person to use that vulnerability against me.  They may use them against me, but sometimes being vulnerable also opens up a door for the other person to relate and be vulnerable as well.

It is easier to bottle up our pain and frustrations from each other and protect ourselves.  But is that really better in the long run?  And isn’t it more divisive to hide our struggles than to use them to build each other up and encourage each other?

Some of my most encouraging moments have come from when people have been vulnerable with me and talked about what they struggle with.  Most of the time I think “No way!! You too?” in these moments. 

Mourning and rejoicing with each other builds bonds.  It builds community and unity.  So why do we try to avoid being vulnerable with each other so much?  It seems like we should embrace mourning and rejoicing with each other head on. 

I know that anyone who has mourned with me over my singleness will be the first to rejoice with me someday when I am no loner single.  They are also the ones that know it is a weakness of mine and creates self-esteem issues for me and have continually been there for me. And they have been able to see how God has been able to use this weakness of mine for His purposes.  With that being said how can they not mourn with me in my weaknesses but rejoice with me in them all at the same time?

Christmas Newsletter ---New Years ---Happy Birthday Newsletter…..

(I should preface this by saying that it was originally going to be a Christmas letter, and then I was too busy and it was going to be New Years….and then a Birthday one)

I love receiving Christmas news letters and cards.  I don’t receive them that often anymore because I think the practice of sending out Christmas newsletters and cards is slowly dying.  We now have facebook and texting to simultaneously update friends throughout the years or send well wishes to on holidays.

When debating sending out a newsletter I decided that I would of course include a glamor shot of myself with it taken from the perfect angle to make me look attractively single so that when people received the newsletter they would think “Wow, Andrea is looking good, why has some lucky guy not snatched her up?” rather than “Oh, no wonder she is single”.  I’d probably have to rent or borrow a cute puppy for this photo session in order to replace the picture perfect family in matching khakis and sweaters with perfect smiles that I don’t as of yet have.


I realized something while going over the past year and trying to think of newsletter type updates.  This has been an intense year that has completely changed a lot about me and I’ve had to make some decisions about what to hold onto in life and what to let go of.

If I were going to do a positive newsletter snap shot of the past year I would have to include:  I got a promotion at work, I’ve been hanging out with some pretty amazing youth, I’ve been involved in planning camps and weekly lessons, I have some new amazing friends that I have learned to just be myself around, I took a few road trips to Canada to see some awesome godsons worth bragging about, I’ve been enjoying my family rather than tolerating, and I’ve really been enjoying life and where I am at in it.

All that would be true, but the thing about newsletters and updating friends is we always try to showcase the good and edit out the painful, the bad, and the ugly mess that we can sometimes be.  It’s easier that way and we don’t feel as judged.  Doesn’t everyone else have it all together after all?

I was serious when I said I have been enjoying life and where I am at in it.  The truth is though that my life is not where I would have wanted it to be were it up to me.  Thank goodness it is not up to me.  I think it is the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome that makes us always want to be somewhere else in life than where we are right now.

The thing is though, the plans that I would have made for me, are plans that wouldn’t necessarily instantly make me happy.  I’ve tried to tell God that I’m sure of what would make me happy.  But perhaps my version of happy is not God’s ultimate goal for me.  But joy is.


Realizing the difference between joy in life and just happiness is a long painful road to learn.  Joy for me has been learning that God loves me in the midst of my pain, and that knowing when doors are shut in one direction there is a reason for that.  It can be pretty freeing when being able to look back and see what God has done vs. what I would have planned for my life.  Amazingly enough…God seems to always have bigger and better plans than mine.  The joy I have been experiencing has come from confidence in knowing what God has done for me and that He ultimately does know better.

I wouldn’t say it has just been this year that has made me realize this. It has been a culmination of the past five years and finally being able to look back and see what God has been doing through all my resistance to His plans and desires by using what I would have considered weaknesses, and scraps of my life.

I would say the biggest thing I will take from 2011 is that God knows better.  I got to experience that.  I experienced pain with close friends moving away…and then more close friends moving away.  I got to experience hurt when having to realize a guy I was interested in was not what God wanted for me at this point in my life….again, and again.  I experienced health diagnostics that weren’t exactly ideal.  Most of all this past year I experienced emotional healing though…..which sounds very kooky and mother earthish.


It would take a long time to go into that, but suffice it to say that it is amazing to not feel trapped in the past or held down and to see how God can bring us out of our past pain and rebellion and use it for something beautiful when we don’t try to edit out what He has done for us by shoving it all under a carpet.

So there you have it.  I don’t have a perfect newsletter life I realized.  I have something better.  I have a life that I am learning to be open and willing to let God use. Obviously it has been a while since I have blogged, and I miss it.  I think more so because it allows me to piece together what I am going through and thinking.

Yummy Broccoli Cheddar Soup!

I have recently joined the Smart Phone craze.  I put it off for so many years…mostly because I didn’t want to pay for it.  I have so far managed to not get addicted to angry birds or many variations of scrabble.  What I did discover was some useful apps though! Particularly a free recipe app.  So if I am shopping at the store I can just look up a recipe on my phone.

I tried this recipe out last night and it was pretty tasty.  It was a little peppery for me so I may add less pepper next time, but if you like Broccoli Cheddar soup then try it!  It is quick and easy.

1 Tbsp olive oil

1 medium onion chopped

¼ Cup Flour

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon Dried thyme

¾ teaspoon pepper

2 Cups milk

1 Large bunch of Broccoli chopped into 1 inch pieces

1 ½ Cups cheddar cheese shredded

1 Cup water

1 Chicken Bouillon cube

In a saucepan heat olive oil over medium heat.  Add onion and cook until golden (about 10 minutes), stirring occasionally.  Stir in flour, salt, thyme, and ¾ tsp pepper; cook 2 minutes, stirring frequently.

Gradually stir in milk, chicken bullion cube, 1 Cup water; add broccoli and heat to boiling over high heat.  Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer until broccoli is tender, about 10 minutes.

Remove saucepan from heat; stir in cheese until melted and smooth. Serve.

Enjoy!

Girlish Things

I have had an amazing time being girly and domestic this past week.  Its hard to fit in time to do this with having a full-time job and busy evening schedules but I absolutely love taking time to myself and enjoying sewing, cooking, gardening, etc.   I've taken some pictures of a few of the fun things I've been enjoying lately so this will be more of a picture blog than anything today:

I got to visit my sister and we took my nieces and nephew out to a You Pick farm and picked blueberries.  My nephew and niece poured their bowls into my bowl and then advised me that I owed them a quarter.  Apparently their parents give them a quarter when they fill up their bowls and consolidate them.  Good thing I had quarters with me!

I ended up with a ton of beautiful blueberries:

I then decided to try out my sewing machine that my mom gave to me for Christmas last year and made my first apron:

And now that I have an apron; I decided to break it in by making some yummy blueberry muffins with the blueberries I picked:

And finally, what better way to top off a week of being girly and domestic than to go to a tea party with some really close friends??  We had some amazingly good food that we all made and devoured.......I mean daintily devoured.  There's nothing like making chicken sandwiches, cucumber sandwiches, salmon sandwiches, truffles, cookies, butter tarts, pastries, and chocolates covered strawberries with eight females running around  the kitchen.  So much fun!

Divorcing God: Bitterness and Disappointment

I recently finished filling out my red journal where I write down sermon notes, prayers, conversations with God, verses and poems/lyrics that I enjoy.  In the past it has taken me three to four years to fill out a journal but this one only took a little over a year.  So of course I went out and bought a brand new journal which I love doing once one is completed.  Even more so than getting a new journal, I like to go back and read through my journal to remind myself what I have been through and what God has taught and shown me.

This past year and a half has by far been the most soul searching year I have ever gone through.  There have been so many ups and downs and confusion and clarity all jumbled together that I don’t know if I will ever be able to look back and fully understand how much just this last year has impacted the rest of my life.
 

One thing that is always refreshing to see in my journal entries is that no matter what emotion I am going through pain/happiness/grief/feeling loved etc….God remains faithfully the same and is continually the center of what I want my life to reflect.


I’ve been through a lot of pain, bitterness and disappointment this past year.  Through the pain of friends moving, two grandmothers passing away, rejected relationships, life changing health diagnosis that sucks…etc.  But there have also been amazing blessings as well, God has provided me with an AMAZING job, I have friends that are awesome, I have been realizing how great my family is even if we are a little crazy, I have met some great ladies to be friends with in the area, I have been truly blessed by being able to be involved in different ministries with youth…I could keep going on and on.  Even more overwhelmingly so this year I have felt God’s presence in my life more than I ever have before.  I’ve had yelling matches with Him, quality time, been shown amazing things about myself and how He sees me as well as others, been bitter at Him for having a different plan for my life than my own; and have fallen in love with Him all over again. 


Over the past few months I have heard multiple sermons, read books, and even had conversations that keep highlighting the same topic:  Disappointment in God.  I haven’t purposefully been trying to focus on this subject and I don’t know that a few months ago I would’ve said that I was disappointed in God.  For sure there are things in my life that I wish were different but saying I am disappointed in God sounds just wrong to me.  


It’s true though.  In fact, it’s very easy to be disappointed in God; which easily turns to bitterness.  Far too often it is easy to think of God as a genie in a lamp in a way.  That if I just pray for His will then he will give me my desires. It is a nice thought to think of God giving us what we desire because He loves us.  I have realized over and over though that this is not the case.  I may desire something that is good, but this doesn’t mean it is God’s plan for me, or that it is good for me at this time in my life, He knows better than me.


Take my love life for example.  It is so easy to continually ask God for a strong Christian husband.  I know that if God ever does (or when he does) answer that prayer than I will make a great wife and mother.  Heck, I know how to sew, make homemade laundry soap, can some food, and am a decent cook, so that all has to count for something!  It is easy to wonder what in the world is wrong with me that no guy likes me and to become bitter.  But then…what guy in his right mind would want a bitter girl?  This is where I have had to realize that I am okay.  It is so easy to focus on the one and only area that I’m not necessarily satisfied in my life with that I can overlook how God has amazingly blessed every other area of my life.  He has provided me with an amazing job, family, friends that love me, a ministry to be involved with that I love doing and I could go on and on with the blessings.  It makes me wonder why I can’t be content and just happy to be single.  Even scarier…I’m starting to be okay and enjoy being single and I don’t want to be, because quite frankly I don’t want to be called to a life of singleness.    


I just finished reading a book called “Angry Conversations with God” by Susan Isaacs.  It’s a memoire where the writer takes a humorous approach and takes God to marriage counseling because their relationship is messed up.  It’s actually a pretty good book to read. Long story short her life does not go as she wants it to at all, she continually tries to follow God but feels like she gets shafted at every turn with her career and love life.  Her conversations with God in her “counseling sessions” end up with her realizing she and God need a divorce.  Long story short she realizes that she has been viewing God from jaded glasses in a way.  When she viewed God as a father she put her own relationship with her father on God.  When she viewed herself in a relationship with Jesus she put all her past experiences in men/disappointment on that relationship.  Anyways, you get the point.  She ended up divorcing God because she realized she didn’t know Him as who he really is.  She had to learn who God really was rather than viewing Him as what had been portrayed to her by other Christians who had hurt her and her own failed human relationships.


I don’t need to divorce God.  I do think it is an interesting concept of how we can view God differently than He may actually be though.


I’ve started praying differently lately.  Instead of asking God to fulfill my desires (while of course tacking on asking that His will be done), I’ve been praying that He would change my desires to be His desires.  I can clearly see how God has used my singleness over the past years to not only be able to minister to others but also teach me different lessons.  Instead of continually focusing on what I would like different in my life, I pray that God can use me where I’m at.  Because if I am single until I’m 90 I don’t want to look back and think that I was bitter for 70 years about being single!  Instead I’d rather look back and be able to say that I embraced the singleness that God planned for me and that my life clearly reflected Him through being single.